Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
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I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
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That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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