i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
i black out too much to be "responsible"
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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