Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
