I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Couch. On fire.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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