Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
He uses pillows to masturbate.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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