Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
