she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I fill condoms, not promises.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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