Can i not drive my cunt home
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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