My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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