On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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