adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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