ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Everclear isn't food dammit
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
