So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
