I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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