I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
