He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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