i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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