May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
my being single is dangerous.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
