You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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