what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
