Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
