I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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