I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Sober January is a disaster.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
