The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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