yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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