Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
then he tried to convert me to islam
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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