how hairy? two words: wookie tits
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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