i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
