She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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