I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
