she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
