can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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