...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
