I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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