Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
