i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
