Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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