Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Even my vagina gasped.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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