You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
