she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
