it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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