Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
