your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
birth control should be required to get into college
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
