you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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