Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
