I hate all girls vehemently.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
