yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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