his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
nutella sex= disaster
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
