Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you traded sex for a burrito?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
