It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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