end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
my phone needs a breathalizer
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
