so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
