her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
