dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
