I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
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it was like a congratulatory penis slap
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
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And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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