It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
