Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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