also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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