The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
