I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
