i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just cut my nipple shaving
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
ttyl tear gas
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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