Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
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Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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