Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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