I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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