I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
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she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
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I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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