somebody snuck up and got me drunk
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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