i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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