if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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